Sunday, January 13, 2013

The New Year

I just dropped my sister off at the airport after a nice long visit. I was sad to see her go, but the goodbye was much easier than it has been in the past because we're planning a march visit.

That's my excuse for the lack of posting. Anyway, here's what you missed:

I went to the rescheduled monday appointment. I was told I could not have the HSG test for another two months because "you have to try for 3 months on the same dose of clomid before I give the test"... Why? I'm not sure and as per ush it was not explained to me. I had one follicle that was a good size, but she said something about maybe it being left over from last cycle and it being, dead, or something. I can't remember, but I got the impression she did not think I was getting pregnant this try. She made me feel stupid for asking if I'd be prescribed more clomid if I didn't end up ovulating, which she has explained to me, and done for me, before, but she instead went on and on about how clomid was for ovulation induction as if I was a total idiot. To be honest, I can't remember a lot of what was said at that appointment. I know I left just as resolved as ever to try and get a referral somewhere else next month.

Tuesday the nurse I like called me and said "you will ovulate wednesday or thursday, so have sex blah blah blah. Christmas Eve morning you'll have to go for a blood draw, but you can go to a place that's 15 minutes away as opposed to 1 hr 15min away (yay!). Then, Dec. 28 you'll come in for a endometrial biopsy.. some women experience pain, take some Ibuprofen.

I had the blood draw. I did ovulate! I get to the appointment on the 28th and they say, oh, we tried to get ahold of you (they called me once) but your voicemail was full. They want to reschedule your biopsy because they'd done the math wrong and it was probably a bit early for the test. I asked if I didn't have an alternative phone number they could've tried me at... and why no one answered when I returned the call. I also told them I'd driven over an hour to be there this morning. The bitchy receptionist said "oookaaaaay" and then went a talked with the nurse practitioner, who I guess decided it was okay, because she ended up doing the procedure. It was one of the worst pains I'd ever felt in my life. The nurse equated it to a labor pain or getting kicked in the balls. It was awful. Ugh. I get queasy just thinking about it. The nurse told me, yes, I could still get pregnant this month and to call friday of next week or as soon as I started my period.

So I waited until thursday, when I figured my period should have started. Late periods, or totally absent periods were not abnormal for me, so I didn't think much of the fact that it hadn't started, plus it was not certain what day I even ovulated. I felt very crampy and bloated, so I figured I'd start my period any moment. I kept having pains in my abdomen, which I figured may have been residual from my biopsy, but I took a pregnancy test anyway. I hate to waste them because the only ones I had left were I EPT expensive ones, but I wanted to know... also, I wanted to make sure I was good to keep drinking  martinis. I peed on that stick, as I had done so many times, fully expecting a "not pregnant."

But it said "Pregnant." I was in shock. I had always thought about how I would share the news with my husband... maybe making a meal with all "baby" foods (baby corn, baby carrots, etc. ala Full House when Becky tells Jesse) or something of the like, but that all went out the window the second I saw the word "pregnant" on that little screen. I immediately called my husband and just told him, straight up, I took a pregnancy test this morning, it says I'm pregnant. "Are you sure?" he asked. I told him I was going in for blood work now, so we'd know for sure in a couple of days, but yes, I was pretty sure.

I zombie walked the test into the guest room to show my sister. Without saying anything, I walked toward her and handed her the test. After over a year and a half of negative ovulation tests, negative pregnancy tests, negative feelings (all around negativity), I had no expectation of seeing a positive, I was stunned. I was so happy my sister was there to share that moment with me. She was so excited for me, she took me to lunch and even bought me a new box of pregnancy tests just so I could be sure. I peed on both those sticks and both said positive. I'd pee on one every day if I could just to see that little plus sign. It's very exciting. But also, now I'm terrified. What if its ectopic? What if I miscarry? What if my blood work mysteriously says I'm not actually pregnant? So many questions.

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