You Guys Aren't Pregnant Yet, Are You?

I don't know what it is that makes people think they have a say in my reproductive prospects, but everyone seems to want to weigh in on the topic. I guess it's normal for people to wonder... first comes love, then comes marriage, and all that, but I really wish people would be a little more sensitive about it. B and I are nearly constantly barraged with questions, comments, and advice from friends, family, and complete strangers at bars or in line at The Gap...

"So, have you thought about kids?"

"When am I going to get grand babies?"

"Why don't you have babies? You guys would make beautiful babies."

"You wouldn't want kids now, would you? You're too young!"

"You're not pregnant are you?!?"

"Don't let him talk you into having babies; you need to wait."

"Wait a few years, travel, enjoy each other. You'll have plenty of time for kids later."

"Having kids is the greatest, you should start trying!"

Those questions and comments, when you're not yet thinking of kids, are obnoxious. When you've quietly started trying, they are annoying. But when you're infertile and don't know if you'll ever be able to get pregnant, comments like that are more than just annoying, they're painful...  it's a low blow, and people don't even realize they're inflicting it. Smiling and saying, "we're not pregnant yet, but we'd like to be someday" or "Oh, don't worry, we're not getting pregnant any time soon" (depending on who's asking and what they need to hear to make them stop pushing the issue) is wearing on me. Even though it's not really lying, I hate having to be so evasive about it.

Sometimes I just want to be like "no, we're not pregnant, we've been struggling with infertility for over a year, we might never conceive a child, stop asking," or better yet a simple, "It's none of your business." I don't want to make people uncomfortable though, and when I say it out loud, I usually burst into tears, so I'll probably just continue to be vague about it when people ask. If I'm not comfortable enough to talk about it, I can't really blame them for being insensitive to an issue they don't know exists. They're not trying to make me upset; they just don't realize what's going on. I just wish people would realize that it's never really appropriate to ask someone about something as intimate as whether or not they're trying to have children. If someone wants you to know about their reproductive plans, they'll let you know.